Towing and Recovery (My Ridiculous Adventures and the Songs They Inspire)

Recently, I went through a traumatic dental experience, which I shared via TWITTER:

After sharing my pain, I discovered the "benefits" of having brilliant, creative friends.  First, the estimable BOB BENNETT, one of the finest writers of our generation, sent me this:

Thursday, June 10, 2010
Costa Mesa, CA
4:54 PM PDT

Recently our pal Carolyn Arends "tweeted" about a frustrating trip the dentist's office involving a towed vehicle.

I had this idea immediately ... and just today took some time to work it out.

Dial up the song on your computer [OR VIEW THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR THE ORIGINAL SONG AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST or by clicking HERE] and, even though the words are slightly altered, sing along with Carolyn!

Bob Bennett

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SEIZE THE VAN
[sing to the tune of Seize the Day by Carolyn Arends]
(with apologies and great love to the aforementioned Mrs. Arends)
Reformulated lyric by Bob Bennett

I know a girl … who's stressed out but not mental
She'd scheduled some time to take care of her dental
Singer and Author … she's great at her writing
But the cops did not know … who it was they were citing
Hiking an hour … alone in the rain
She's bummed out at this needless pain

    Seize the Van - they just towed it away
    A deed guaranteed to ruin your day
    Seize the van - they can, because they're the law
    All they know is the crime that they saw
    Seize the Van

Trudging through streets … still somewhat astounded
She reached the lot … where her car was impounded
No one was there … had to wait twenty minutes
"All I want is to get my car back and get it in it"
First at the dentist … and now at the yard
Oral hygiene should not be this hard

    Seize the Van - this is just what it seems
    An infernal provincial revenue stream
    Seize the van - oh man, she Tweeted her rant
    Next time take a cab so they can't
    Seize the Van!

[The original, unaltered Seize the Day, may be obtained HERE or from .)

Now, as if that weren't enough to get me well on the road to healing, Bob and my's mutual friend, the way-too-genius-for-his-own-good David Jennings, proffered this reworking of Bob's normally-profound song, Defiant Lamb.  (Read the original lyrics HERE and buy it HERE.)

ON THE LAM
 
COINS THROUGH MY POCKETS, SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS
LIKE ME, THEY ARE A LOST CREATURE
FOR I HAVE SPENT THEM ON FOOLISH PLEASURES
INSTEAD OF INSERTING THEM IN THIS PARKING METER
 
NOW I AM WANDERING ACROSS THIS LANDSCAPE
WALKING IN CIRCLES IT’S NOT MY CHOICE
NO FIRE IN THE HEAVENS, NO WIND IN THE TREETOPS
CAN DROWN OUT MY BEAUTIFUL ALTO, DIET COKE VOICE
 
  WHEN I'M OUT HERE ON MY OWN
  ON FOOT AND ALONE
  I WON’T SQUANDER MY MONEY
  TO PAY OFF SOME TOWING MAN
  CAN YOU STILL FIND ME
  HIDING FROM THE POLICE?
  STEALING BACK MY OWN VEHICLE
  I’M NOW ON THE LAM
 
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER, THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING
I SHOULD HAVE PLEAD IGNORANCE, YES SIREE
“I WAS MISTAKEN, I WAS MISGUIDED”
I COULD HAVE WINKED AT THE COP… MAYBE.
 
SO WHY AM I RUNNING? I'VE GOT EXCUSES
AND GOOD REASONS ARE EASY TO NAME
MY DENTIST HAS NO FREE PARKING
COPS ARE JUST TAX COLLECTORS,
MY KIDS WERE SCREAMING, THEY’RE ALL TO BLAME.
 
  WELL I'M OUT HERE ON MY OWN
  WORRIED TO GO HOME
  IT IS PROBABLY STAKED OUT
  LOOKING FOR A JUICE BOX STAINED VAN
  YOU THINK YOU CAN FIND ME
  IN THIS STOLEN VEHICLE?
  I’M BEHIND THE 7-11
  I’M ON THE LAM

I've told both of these dear friends that next time they can get THEIR cars towed, so that I may have the privilege of writing THEM a special song.

I would like to conclude this post by noting that there is an actual INTERNATIONAL MUSEUM OF TOWING AND RECOVERY in Chattanooga, TN.  I saw it with my own eyes once when I was in the area on tour and I was so amazed by its existence that my friend Vicki even got me a t-shirt.  Hopefully some day I can get back there in order to share my story and the music it inspired.

And I hope this post brought a smile to your day!

I've had the towing, now for the recovery ...

CA